Gratitude Practice 2021 Nov 18: The Dinner Prep Paradox
What is it about making dinner?
Why is it that some days the simple thought that I need to feed myself and my people puts me over the edge...like way over. Some days...I just can’t even. And why do these people need to eat...every...single...day, anyway?
On "The I just can’t even do dinner days”... I apply a well practiced internal narrative that toast is a completely acceptable and even celebrated dinner option. Smear some jam and you’ve successfully nailed two food groups...BOOM! Sprinkle some cheese and pop it into the toaster oven and SHAZAM!...another simple meal with two food groups successfully paired for even the pickiest palate. Hell, some nights we get fancy and toss a fried egg on a slice of toast and it becomes a veritable culinary protein packed masterpiece. WA LA! Some days toast for dinner is all I’ve got to offer. And then on days when even toast seems challenging I have zero shame pouring Sarah Kate a big bowl of cereal...often the very same type of cereal I fed her before school...and I confidently brand it as the sophisticated dinner option of...champions. I know...I know...Mom of the year! Some days toast and cereal for dinner is all I've got in me...and I'm totally okay with it.
BUT then...there are days like today...when the idea of making an actual meal for my family is the very thing I can’t wait to do. On THESE days, I watch the clock and count the minutes when I can sign off my laptop, end my work day, dawn my trusty apron, crank the play list and begin the process to feed and nourish the ones I love the most. How can the same daily task generate such a varied range of emotions and responses?
Tonight, I am grateful for a pantry, a fridge and a freezer with multiple food options to choose from. This is not the case for all families and I am humbled by my options and reserves. I am grateful for a bin of onions, a jar of garlic and a cupboard of spices. I am grateful for cans of black beans and spicy chillies and green tomatillo sauce. I am grateful for chicken stock, long grain rice, butter, salt, pepper and ground beef. I am grateful for tortilla, and cheese...isn’t pre-shredded cheese a wonderful gift to the world…and for a bag of mixed cabbage salad I found in the back of my fridge that surprisingly had not yet turned ranky. I am grateful for extra virgin olive oil that simmers and crackles and bubbles in a pan heated by the blue flickering flames of our gas range. I am grateful for cumin and chilli pepper and sea salt. I am grateful for pots and pans, cutting boards, knives, wooden spoons, and for the invention and ease of the can opener. Just think how tricky life would be without one. On THESE kinds of days it is the chopping of the onions, the blending of the spices and the stirring of the pots that really fills my soul. On THESE kinds of days, I crave this process and don't even mind the eventual sink full of soiled dishes. This kitchen choreography…grooving towards the pantry, then sliding towards the counter, then the to sink to stove to fridge quick step and then back to the pantry for the next item in the process all the while jamming to my favorite tunes...stirring one pot and then the next...this process often feeds and nourishes me way beyond toasted bread. It’s the sounds and the smells and the messy multi-tasking that often creates a new level of peace and purpose deep inside my soul.
Grateful for THESE kind of days when my girl walks in the door, takes a big whiff and exclaims, ”Mom! What smells so good? What are you making for dinner? When are we eating? I hate onions! I’m starving!” THIS daily task...this love one day and loath the next dinner prep process...will forever be a complicated paradox for me. I guess it’s not really something that needs to be figured out, right? It just needs to be done. And tonight, I am grateful for the chance to cook a meal for my family. Grateful that they ate it. Grateful for the glass pyrex dishes full of leftovers that are now carefully resting in our fridge that we will dig into over the next several days...as nachos, tacos, salads, burrito bowls and juicy drippy cheesy quesadillas. Grateful to know that my girl's squirmy wiggly, always starving little body was filled up tonight with love and good food and that my ever flawed hands and meager efforts had something to do with that good, nourishing, full and satisfied feeling. Grateful for the means and ways that keep cans on our shelf and goods in our fridge. Grateful for access to good healthy food and the ability to feed my family....on both the nights when toasted bread is my best effort AND when her favorite dish of rice and beans are being served.
