Gratitude Practice 2020 Day 185: The Knowing and the Choosing and the Doing

Finally a welcomed end to an absolute hot garbage week. A lazy drive up our beloved loop. Then a longer drive to a favorite sleepy farm town carefully tucked inside a rising ring of protective mountains. A hot slice of delicious wood fired pizza and a tall bottomless glass of refreshing ice water. A slow and steady summer meal enjoyed on a Covid-19 abiding outside patio surrounded by pots of dreamy flowers and the guaranteed elixir of live acoustic music. Hilarious and surprising banter about the origins of superheroes with our forever mac and cheese eating girl. A few delicious indulging spoonfuls of a chocolate milkshake provide a satisfying finish. Our favorite music carefully curated into playlists and gathered over the years gently spills out of our car speakers. Windows rolled down and arms protrude ever so slightly waving up and down as we ascend to our mountain top destination. Trees. Hills. So many green leaves. Bursts of colorful wildflowers skillfully play roadside hide and seek. I feel myself returning. I feel my mind resolving. I feel my heart un-clinching with each passing curve and swerve of the mountain path. We summit just as the sun begins its final exhausted decent and the sky is a spectacular wash of brilliant color. And my soul...

slowly...starts...to steady...and level...and…finally...peace and perspective.

Could be the pizza and milkshake. Could be the determined dose of uninterrupted focused family time. Could be the distance from my laptop top and the proximity to nature. Not totally sure but I am confident that I knew what I needed….and I chose to engage in the proactive positive juju...and I did something constructive to move me and my brooding mood of absolute blech...to just so much better.

I've known for years that in so many life categories I am an absolute late bloomer. Forever playing catch up. Forever puzzled as to the...how. Timing and pacing often wonky and weird or not even at all. Forever feeling off. Forever feeling awkward. Lots of gaps to fill and just as much ground to cover. So much to learn. So much to figure out. BUT this... THIS is one thing I think I'm finally understanding.

Grateful to know what I need to de-funk my funk. Grateful to finally have the good sense to choose the far better part opposed to the quick and easy crap-ola alternatives...those comforting known numbing agents...the false deceptive unfulfilling fillers of empty habits. Grateful to be able to do...the doing. Grateful for this personal practice of constant constructive recalibration. Grateful to know. Grateful to choose. Grateful to be able to do this sacred work….over and over and over again.