Gratitude Practice 2020 Day 72: The Power of Determined Sunshine

Today was hard. Lots of heavy conversations. Lots of big decisions and big human needs. Lots of brain power focused on mitigating competing interests and concerns. Lots of pent up four year old stuck inside mama pay attention to ME energy. By the time 6:00pm arrived my everything...heart, head and body... hurt. Right around this time my frazzled exhaustion was steering me straight into a dark quiet closet with an armful of feelings to eat by way of bread and chocolate with the intent to remain safe and silent and satiated until the whole wide world just calms the hell down. Such a tempting solution to my ever growing worry and anxiety. Instead of indulging in the 'eat all my feelings fest' I was craving, I was seriously saved by power of determined sunshine.

Our home faces east which means every evening from about 5:00pm to around 7:00pm our home and backyard receives an amazing amount of attention from the settings sun. Our main floor is largely west facing windows and tonight I felt this steady stream of confident bold life giving light was both a gift and an answer to questions and needs I was way too done to even verbalize. This power lit up our whole house and systematically filled up my broken empty depleted spaces. This unavoidable force did not let me hide nor did it let me shrink from my mom, wife, Associate Director, neighbor, daughter, sister friend and average citizen duties. Its persistence was impressive especially in light of the ever growing doom and gloom of an overcast drippy day nestled inside this paralyzing health crisis. This sunshine did not relent even as I desperately wanted to. It gave life. This light gave energy and illuminated and taught and reminded and restored. Inside our 'let's do our part to practice social distancing and quarantine chaos' my new work space, a new sacred corner of our home, filled with office clutter and general life detritus, somehow became beautiful and dare I say even holy. This work we are doing...the efforts and sacrifices and determined choices we are all making...this consecration if you will...to keep ourselves and our families and our communities safe and healthy...this is no small stuff. It's the work....the mental work, the emotional work, the spiritual work, the preventative work inside all of the normal expected everyday level of work that is stretching us (or at least me) way way way far outside of our comfort zones and today's lift was...hefty.

So, tonight, I am grateful for the power of determined sunshine...that heat and light and growth giving force that systematically lifted my spirits and filled up my soul. Grateful today that the sunshine found me... because I certainly was not searching for it and I really needed a focused infusion of light. The vase of beautiful tulips certainly did not hurt either. Grateful to be reminded that this ever faithful life giving force always seems to find a way to nurture and lift all the things that need to grow.